Ever experienced those? (I just wrote hose, when I meant to write Those – and then ended up just then writing toes – am I seriously ok this morning? I should think not. oh, goodness, here we go with the day! But speaking of hose – those in and of themselves are a nightmare, and toes – those too can be a disaster, so I guess they all go well with the talk about cloth diapers – all fall into the same category.) This one was sitting in the middle of my living room one morning, as the previous owner toddled into my room pointing and trying ever so hard to explain to me that she no longer had her diaper, but that it was sitting lonely in the living room.
Anyway, forgive me, but I was raised on disposable. And honestly never even really knew what cloth diapers were until Africa. This is where I had my first run-in with these things. Yes, they are things. In fact, sometimes I think they have a mind of their own and do their on things.
My mother keeps telling me – here’s how you do it, even sent me a “how-to” sheet for folding cloth diapers – and let me tell you, that makes one feel VERY insecure when mother is sending “how to fold cloth diaper” instructions from across the ocean. Doesn’t instill much confidence, if you know what I mean – even when you greatly appreciate it and seriously end up STUDYING the pamphlet?? Bent over it looking at the tiny pictures trying to figure out which arrow points which way and which end is supposed to be folded up again?? And this is supposed to stay on the baby HOW??!
Just the two words now almost make me cringe. I’m beginning to have something of a love/hate relationship with these things. Does anyone know what I’m talking about? Or am I all alone in this cloth-diaper-figuring-out thing?? I have looked on online a few times lately trying to find cheap diaper covers that people might be selling and from the looks of things, and all the posts that read something like “bought these and never used them” or something to that extent…leads me to believe that perhaps I am not the only one who has struggled with these “things”.
I tell you, they seriously seem to take on a life and mind of their own. I put them on one baby in the morning and I must humbly say, that I think it look pretty good. I fold them how I believe they are supposed to be folded, then I take my little diaper pin, and pin them (my little girl ALWAYS thinks I am going to stick her…still working on this problem, but she doesn’t realize that most often instead of sticking her I end up sticking me.) and a few hours later, these diapers are off of their owners (maybe I should say carriers)
But last night, we received a few cloth diapers donations – and I shocked, and maybe even embarrassed myself with how excited and giddy I became over these diapers. Seriously. The babies pulled out cute books with pictures, hats, clothes, etc – and I was most excited about the diapers. As I type, I have a little one in my lap wearing one of the colorful diaper cover donations. I was seriously ashamed at how excited I got over these. – sadly, I even picked up one of the brand new cloths and rubbed it on my cheek. I did. For goodness’ sake, I seriously doubt my sanity most days. I probably shouldn’t even mention the next part, I’ll never live it down and I am heartily ashamed to even write that after rubbing it on my cheek - I then smelled it. and oh, you wouldn’t believe how clean it smelled - Clean! Brand new cloth diaper – let me tell you, it is soft and clean: a wonderful combination.
I have decided to use cloth diapers for one reason: disposable diapers are expensive. They just are. Oh, and the wipes discussion will have to be for another day, but diapers are just expensive. And I can wash. We can wash diapers here. So, to save on costs of these disposable diapers, I have embraced the cloth, reusable ones with open arms! And am very thankful for the donations of these things!
Call me cheesy, but as I smelled the brand new cloth diaper, I almost smelled God’s goodness. God knows my needs. Yes, even needs of cloth diapers. And He provides just when I need Him most. Even as I write, I am sitting here on my bed looking at two bare bottomed babies walking around my bedroom, the cloth that used to be covering these hineys long ago discarded. I watch as Amina picks up the discarded cloth diapers (clean ones), and begins folding the cloths around her baby doll…just like mommy does.
I watch. And am amazed – as she knows exactly what to do and how to do it. She knows how to fold it, how to place it – everything. My little girl has learned. This three year old child is teaching me more every single day than I ever imagined she would. Why did I think as the parent I would be the one teaching? Why, oh why? Where did I get this idea?
Breastfeeding, putting cloth diapers on her baby doll.
She watches. Intently. And she sees. Everything. And she learns. By example. And the pressure mounts. “What does she see in mommy? What does she watch mommy do? What is she learning?”
And the fear creeps in. “Will she really see Jesus in me? How will she see Jesus in me? I’m not a good enough example – I make mistakes - I don’t want my little girl to make the same mistakes. I’m just a little girl myself trying to cling to her Father for guidance and help through each day.”
And I hear His voice whispering to my soul, “She is watching you. And as she watches you, she will see Me. I will glorify Myself through you – and that is what she will see. Stay rooted deeply into Me, Amy. And I will show Myself to her through you.”
He gently reminds me…that even when I have to sponge bathe, have my hair up in a clip for two weeks straight, forget to change my sheets, breakfast is late, I lose it and yell – He is still my heart. My heart is His. That even when I feel as if life is just too crazy, that household duties are keeping me from spending enough time with my children, that they must not be learning anything…God brings her little face before me. and I see the pair of eyes that so strongly captured my heart long ago. I see these eyes that want Mommy more than anything in the world. I see these eyes that look at me as if I am the best thing that ever happened to her. These eyes watch - trying to figure out the tears on Mommy’s face as she kneels bent over an open Book before her. They watch as Mommy’s hands are raised high above her head as the music plays in the background.
I want my little girl to know Jesus.
More than anything else, that is what I want her to know. I want her to see Jesus through her mommy. My prayer is that as she grows and continues to sing “Jesus Loves Me”, she comes to fully understand and know for herself that Jesus loves her…and that she comes to love Jesus. And I pray that she learns. “God, as she now knows without me even teaching her how to cloth diaper dress a baby doll, let her learn from me how to love You.”
I pray on my knees that as she is learning how to hold a baby, how to “breastfeed”, and even how to put on those good ole’ cloth diapers, that she is learning most of all…how to love Jesus.