My name is Sandra.
I am fifteen years old.
I am five months pregnant.
I am in S1. (beginning high school)
I live with my mom and stepfather in the village.
We garden and farm. We have a few chickens and pigs that we are trying to raise for income. We live off the land and rely upon the rain for our food. Without the rain, our crops don’t grow and we starve.
My grandmother was paying for my school fees before I got pregnant but after she found out about the pregnancy, she became angry with me and stopped paying.
The father of my baby is nineteen years old.
He ran away when he found out I was pregnant because he got scared. He got scared he would be thrown in prison for pregnanting a minor. He is an orphan and has no help from anyone himself. He can’t help support me or my baby. He can’t give us anything. Most of the time the father and the father’s family is supposed to try to help, but he ran because he knew he had nothing and couldn’t help at all.
I pray, “I don’t know what to do, Lord. Please help me. I’m pregnant. I’m scared, Lord. I don’t have money for antenatal checkups. I can’t even afford transport to get to the doctor if something happens. My mother tries so hard, Lord, but she can’t do anything to help me with this baby. My stepfather – he won’t do anything to help.
Where am I going to give birth? Lord, I am young. I know what I did was wrong. I know it. forgive me, Lord. Forgive me. but please don’t hold my wrong actions and choices against my baby – my baby is innocent. Please bless my baby - please do not let my baby die just because of my sin.”
I am terrified. I am so scared of having to deliver my baby here in the village…at home. What if something goes wrong? What if I bleed to death…it happens to girls all the time. People tell me that I am young, that my body is small and stiff…what if I can’t push the baby out? what if the baby is too big and gets stuck?
I don’t have much. But I still have dreams. I still have hopes for my future…and now for my baby’s.
I still want to finish school. I want my baby to be a girl because I have heard that girls grow faster than boys and maybe if my baby grows faster, I can return to school because my mom might be able to stay home with the baby after she is finished breastfeeding and can eat some normal food.
I want to better myself and my future and my baby’s future. I see my hope in schooling and being able to get a better job and provide for my family.
I haven’t really thought about a baby name yet. We really don’t do that very much here because we never know if we will live or if the baby will live and it’s sort of like bad luck to think about the birth an after the birth and the baby and such before it gets here in case it dies or the mother dies. But I really do want it to be a little girl. I would like to name her a unique name – something different.
I really do want to live. And I really want my baby to live.
Amy has been helping me. She comes to my home and meets with me and my family. She shares the love of Jesus with us. We talk about God and how He loves me and my baby. We talk about how He is going to help me during the delivery and birth process.
She encourages me. laughs with me – talks about the baby. Not many people talk about my baby with me because it is shaming, so most people don’t mention it. but Amy likes to talk about my baby. She believes it is truly a gift from God - that all children and babies are gifts from God – no matter how they become conceived. God doesn’t like the sin, but He loves the people and the babies.
She is helping me and giving me so much. And she wants to be able to help me with my school fees later on if my grandmother still refuses to help pay for my schooling. Amy cares for me so much. She gives me antenatal pills and vitamins. She hugs me all the time and likes to feel my belly. She is excited about my baby and the birth. She says she is going to be there the whole time with me. She is taking care of all of my medical bills and expenses. She even already bought me supplies for the birth – cotton, razors, gloves, a sheet to lay on, soap, a basin, medicine, and lots more. She goes to the hospital with me for my checkups and talks to the nurses and doctors. She asks questions that I don’t know to ask and she makes sure that I am really ok. She has already shown that she cares so much. She gives us extra money for food and transport. She even took me to get medicine when I was sick with malaria.
She prays for me. and she prays for my baby. She believes that God has a huge plan for me and my baby – a way that He can use us for His glory and to further His kingdom. She says that Jesus still loves me no matter what I have done – He just wants me to live for Him and glorify Him in all that I do. She wants me to be a godly mother. She says that God will help me be a godly mother and raise my baby to know Jesus. If I pray and ask Him for wisdom, He will help me and guide me.
I believe her. I trust what she says. She loves me so much and cares for me so much – I know that she wants the best for me. She loves Jesus and prays. She says it is because of Jesus that we are together now and that she is helping me.
I love God. I am a Christian. And I want to raise my baby to be a Christian and know Jesus. I want to be the best mother that I can be. I want to love Jesus and live for Him.