While driving out of our front gate, I watch my children standing on the front porch yelling “I wuv you!” and blowing kisses in my general direction.
A friend commented to me yesterday about my children. While witnessing the goodbye scene that occurs when Mommy leaves the house, she said, “Healthy goodbyes. They are not screaming after you when you leave.”
I smile. No, they are not screaming now, but I remember back to the time when they did. Every single time I had to leave the house and couldn’t take them with me…screams and cries.
I turn to her and smile, “They know that Mommy is coming back.”
My children. They have been rejected. Left alone. Abandoned. Terrified.
They are not here with me because their lives were perfect and going fine. They are not here because they were necessarily well taken care of. Their pasts, their minds, their thoughts – I wish I knew all of it. I wish I could understand what makes them freak out at certain times or random things. I wish I knew how to help them better, how to make it all go away.
But I don’t. and I can’t.
But He does. and He can. And He can provide that security through me. through a family. Through a Mommy. Through food; through a bed; through love. I can give them that security. I can offer the security of my love. No, I can not guarantee that I will come home – we never know when we will be truly called Home, but I can do the best I can to provide for them, love them, and give them the security that only the love of a true parent can provide.
“They know that Mommy is coming back.”
My children now know that they have a home. Security of home. No more starvation. Security of food. No more rejection. Security of love. No more abandonment. Security of acceptance. No longer orphans. Security of family. No. no more screaming. No more panicked cries. They have mommy. And now they know that Mommy is coming back. So now, they can stand with that security at the front door and wave with shouts of “I wuv you!” while blowing kisses at me.
Recently, someone attempted to enter our house during the middle of the night. So, needless to say, we have increased our “security” around the house and compound. But it has not been this security that has me praising my Savior. No, not the security that comes from the guard outside, but the inner security of knowing that I am in my Father’s hands. Completely in His hands – nothing can touch me or happen to me without His knowledge, and without his approval. Security. The kind of complete security that comes with placing my entire life in His hands. The complete security of His protection. The complete security in His provision. The complete security of His love.
...The same kind of security that my children now have knowing that their lives are completely safe in my hands. No, I am not God, but rather their parent. I am the representative of God in my children's little eyes...in their young lives. I can only offer as much security as this physical temporary life will allow…but I can offer that. I rest in my Father’s hands, as they rest in mine. Yes, they ultimately rest in my Father’s hands as well, but their little eyes see me. They see Mommy. As the physical extension of the Father to my children, they see me as their security. And as I learn more about parenting every single day, I learn more about my Father every single day. And vice versa. If I am learning from Him – the ultimate Security – then, I will be able to provide the kind of security that the complete love of a true parent can bring to my children.
Now, don’t let me give the wrong impression. Granted they are getting much better but my children DO cry and scream occasionally when I leave the house :) Thankfully, it is becoming more rare, except when they just want to go too. But the panic is gone. The complete terror that Mommy is leaving and might not come back is gone. Now…they know that Mommy is coming back. They know that Mommy will only be gone for a little while and that she will come back to them as soon as she can.
“They know that Mommy is coming back.”